Those of you how know me will know that I have, for a long time, been considered one of Adelaide's primary shock troopers on patrol for rock and roll. I have this reputation, with all its hateful and demeaning irony, for a reason. The latest example of this is Hardy Coxon.

Hardy Coxon formed after the boys from local rock outfit Outpost asked me to play a noise set at their CD launch (for when Cooking Meets Chemistry, why not buy a copy today?). I was a wussy and didn't want to do this alone. Had it not been for this fact Hardy Coxon would not exist. I initially asked Scott to help me out, and then got Kynan on board. The addition of Kynan was basically to settle a blood fued that was then standing between us.

I used to be in a shitty Mogwai rip off band called Trip Up From Mission Viejo with both Kynan and Scott, along with another guy called Spencer. After that band broke up I tried to get Kynan and Scott to help me out with some crazy harsh noise stuff. I went a bit harsh noise crazy, releasing a 20 minute tape and recording an album, the release of which was delayed by my uni work. To be perfectly frank I kind of took the lack of enthusiasm from Kynan and Scott over this project as a bit of a hint, and one thing led to another and we kind of stopped hanging out, and they all went off and joined Rhizome, and Spencer took part in the Home For The Def Big Band, which has since ceased to exist. Anyway. So I hadn't talked to Kynan or Scott for quite a while. I was starting my honours year, and I was missing being in a band, but using the lack of rock with other people to perfect my guitar solos, which have got to be quite impressive. And recording a lot of stuff on four track, including the afore mentioned album of 'French Extreme Noise' as well as another of fake jazz. I was also entering my 'Motorhead' phase. And then, like I said, the Outpost guys asked me to do a noise set for them, and I managed to get Scott and Kynan to back me up.

We had about three practices before the first show, which went pretty well, and I realised that despite my post Trip Up From Mission Viejo bitterness, I did kind of enjoy playing shows.

Oh yeah. Prior to this show we also named the band. I remember this occasion quite clearly. Scott and Kynan wanted to name it something which they deemed 'provocative' or something, and they wanted a boat related theme. I didn't mind the boat related theme, on account of my highly fictionalised time as a sailor. But I remember them both going through this list of potential band name ideas, and then both saying at the same time "I fucked your mother in a boat". They thought that because they'd both said it at the same time and thought this was some sort of sign from above that this should be the band name. I convinced them otherwise, and eventually we settled on Hardy Coxon, originally spelt Hardy Coxwain, at least by me. Believe me that this name, compared with the alternatives they wanted, is an example of my amazing diplomatic prowess.

Anyway. So after the first show we got offered a second show, playing at the house of a guy called Tom, who plays in Roo Shooter and St Albans Kids. This show was, quite simply, fucking terrible. I rank it as one of the worst shows I've ever done. We practiced twice before it and the practices were likewise pretty bad. The whole even kind of reminded me of why I've had problems playing in bands before, and got me hating playing in noise bands more than I had previously, as well as stirring up some other issues that I won't go into.

Anyway. We got offered another show, at Alure bar. By this stage Scott and Kynan had almost stopped wanting to play crappy noise and started to wanting to rock, which suited me fine. So we played more conventional rock and roll. Well, we sounded more like a big sonic youth outro, than a crappy little experimental noise band that doesn't know what the fuck it's doing. The Alure bar show went pretty well. Although 8 hours before we started playing a strange little deaf guy came up to me and spent the 12 hours clinging to me while he had a nervous break down and came to terms with his homosexuality. Which meant I didn't get to hang around for St Albans Kids, which was a shame caused I'd seen a good many of their members playing in Sans Sebastian a while back, and quite liked it.

After this show Kynan and Scott broke with character and actually wanted to practice, despite the fact we had no upcoming shows. This is very unlike them. Well. I'm always up for practice, and was kind of shocked by their enthusiasm. So we started practicing, and it started to look like I might actually end up in a half decent band again.

Oh yeah. And a girl wrote a haiku about Scott. Later she'd tell me whilst we chatted on ICQ that she thought me and Kynan looked more or less the same, except he looked 'much older' and 'like a wombat'.

We played a zany little acoustic set in Rundle Mall at 9:30 to support a much more rockin' set by St Albans Kids. This event was fun, but we were left with a feeling of emptyness by the fact we hadn't got to rock out, and Scott was afraid people would now think him a wussy. I was happy on account of getting to play a banjo in public.

We played another show at the Rhino Room with a bunch of bands I didn't take too kindly too, although I did find Commadore Theft kind of amusing. I hear Roo Shooter was good that night as well. This show is notable for being the first time we've used vocals in a set.

Then we got to play one of the highlights of my rockin' career, a show at the top of a car park with St Albans Kids (again). Earlier I wrote about my 'French Extreme Noise' and how I'd gone harsh noise crazy early in the year. This show was, for me at least, the culmination of many hours spent at home yelling in gibberish (also known as Psuedo French), running it through some pedals, and passing it off as experimental music. So it was something of a catharsis for me, making up for pretty much every other dud show I've ever played.

Hmm. Then we played another show a couple of nights back, again at the Rhino Room with a bad 'white boy funk band', Roo Shooter (who rocked out nicely) and St Albans Kids, who tried to be experimental and. Uh. Yeah. Supposedly some people enjoyed that. It was the first time I'd ever sung an actual song in public, and I was suprisingly unnerved by this. Possibly cause my 'Fuck you buddy, I'm a loner. I don't need friends, I don't need anyone. I have my genius' persona has become more solid.

Oh yeah. And the show had good omens as well. I was driving home from work that afternoon and I saw a car with a sticker that said simply 'Coxon' on it. And then my bus went down Hardys Road. And then I met a friend of mine in town. He was telling me that he knew of a straight girl, around my age, who thought I was hot. In the past the people who have thought I am hot include my mother's 45 year old lesbian seperatist friends, her heterosexual, married, male doctor, gay men, and Logan, the insane deaf guy who we took to that Alure show. So I was pretty amazed to hear I was finally hitting my target audience, and I think this is a sign that good luck was a'comin' my way.

Anyway. That's the Hardy Coxon story, from my point of view, up until now.

Oh. Here's some biographical information about band members. Complete with the kind of lengthy discussions of the gear we use that reveal just what a nerd I truly am. You should see me when I talk to guitar store guys. I got their lingo down pat. I have conversations with the bastards:

Kynan Lawlor:

If Kynan was a Disney dwarf his name would be: Lazy. Or possibly Wombat.

Kynan is 19 years old and studies Science at the University of Adelaide. At the last couple of shows he has played guitar predominantly. He uses a Squire Strat through a marshall head (which I forget the details of) and a quad box. He uses a second hand boss overdrive and a second hand boss equalizer. He got his guitar when he was 12, and has since added an additional switch to it, which allows him to use all the pick ups at once or something. Kynan also plays clarinet, and he's generally willing to give most other instruments a burl. Expect to see him playing both bass and drums with some proficency.

Kynan likes the following bands: sebadoh, the dead c, weezer, pavement, sea scouts, swell maps, flaming lips, galaxie 500

Kynan is also my cousin, he was born when I was two. At the time he was born, so the legend goes, I was walking around my house, suddenly shoved a doll up my shirt, yanked it out and claimed I'd given birth. Hmm.

Oh yeah. Kynan and I played a show and a radio live to air in a pop band called 'The Jasmin Allan', which also featured Spencer.

If Kynan had turned out different he'd be playing in an emo band.

Scott 'Hotty' O'Hara:

If Scott was a Disney dwarf his name would be: Schmoozy

Scott is 23 and enjoys wearing stretch denim. He has the least musical experience of any of us, and ironically plays in the most bands. He uses a Maton Flamingo, which he picked up for $650 second hand at the Cash Converters that used to be on Hindley Street (a guitar which I'd often looked at, and noticed the disappearance of), through a Fender Twin Reverb, which he got for $750. He also uses the following pedals: a rat, a big muff, an MXR flanger, a Boss DD5, some sort of wha wha, a DOD Buzzbox, some other crazy pedal, and some other stuff. Including an ebow, which I used on the banjo at the Rundle Mall show. He also owns a drum kit. I used to own a drum kit, but Spencer took it. Although the high hat is now being used by Scott. Cause Spencer trashed Scott's old one. Hmm.

Scott's currenty studying mental health and stuff at Port Adelaide TAFE. He also studied sound engineering at TAFE.

Let's see. Scott likes the Flaming Lips, Pavement, Sebadoh, pretty much all the bands Kynan likes, I remember him going through a Merzbow phase for a while. I'm sure there's some more.

I first met Scott when he was asked to play in another band that never went anywhere. Then I got him to join up with another band with a really bad name which would later turn in to Trip Up From Mission Viejo.

If Scott's life had run along different lines he'd be working as a roadie for some Melbourne punk band.

Ianto Ware:

If I was a Disney dwarf my name would be: Cranky

This is me. I'm 21. I play either a Gibson Maurader or a 1965 Maton hollow bodied tear drop through a Fender Pro Reverb, or when I'm playing bass I use a Maton Sullivan F+4 through an 80 watt Jade bass amp I got for about $220 at Cash Converters a while back. I also use a Tym Triple Tone distortion, an MXR blue box, a boss delay/reverb (which I got second hand for half the price they are new), an old Boss RV 3 analog delay (which is kind of natty, but not all that useful), an akai headrush and a danelectro tremelo, which I got cause the trem and the reverb on my amp are fucked. I've also got one of the new Big Muff Pi's, but its fucked.

I can play both bass and guitar, and I can usually give the drums a shot. I also play banjo on occasion, and I used to be able to play violin.

Hmm. I like the band Smog a lot. I've seen Smog five or six times now, and that's predominantly what I listen to. But lately I've also been listening to The Ramones, Motorhead, The Dead Milkmen, Mojo Nixon and some other bands. I also like Yo La Tengo and Man or Astroman? alot. A big lot.

I have a BA, and I did my honours in English this year. I'm hopefully going to start doing my PhD in English critical theory next year.

If my life had turned out differently I'd probably be have ended up being one of those guys you see in guitar shops playing huge blues solos. Oh wait. I do that anyway.

Every member of this band is single and, for the most part, hetereosexual. I'm a wild eyed crazy loner, standing on the bring of oblivion, so I'm not too concerned. But allow me to put in a good word for the other two. They're very nice. They'd make a nice catch. They both enjoy cooking, long walks along the beach, holding hands and all that sort of shit. Ladies. Take heed.