Here's my fake ID from high school. Pretty realistic huh? You'd be surprised how many people it fooled. Why is this here? Why not? What's on this page?

As of Nov. 99 I've given it some revisions.

(1)What's your name?

Ianto Ware

(2)That's an interesting/unusual/silly name. What nationality is it?

When I started uni I got asked this nearly daily and it is still almost always one of the first things people say to me. My name is Welsh. It's the Welsh equvilant of John I'm told.

(3) Oh! Are you welsh?

No. I'm not. I'm 5th generation Australian.

(4) Are your parents Welsh?

No. I'm 5th generation Australian. Prior to that my family members lived in mostly England, with a few in Scotland and Ireland. Although there's a family rumour about a great great grandfather who was from Afganistan or something.

(5) So why did you get called Ianto?

Because my mother liked the name. (Actually I've since discovered she was drunk when she chose it. True.)

(6)How do you say your name?

Either Yun-toe or I (as in eye, like the thing you look with)-An-Toe or Yan-toe. Take your pick. I say Yun-toe. Don't try and add any stupid accents on it. I hate it when people do that and if it ever comes down to me being forced to save you or someone else from a fire or something it might just help to avoid the accent now.

(7) So what are you doing this year?

I've just finished my second year at Adelaide uni doing a BA.

(8)Why?

Because it's better than work.

(9)What courses are you doing?

Mostly English stuff with a bit of cultural studies for good measure.

(10)Oh that sounds interesting.

Yes it is.

(11)Is Dimity there?

I get asked this question on the phone all the time. The answer is invariably; No. She's out right now.

(12) What time will she be back?

I don't know.

(13) Is she out with Lee Ann?

Yes.

(14) Can I ring back everyday for a month and ask the same stupid questions and get the same stupid answers and never learn my lesson?

Do I have a choice?

(15) Yes. Is Mister Ware there please?

Are you looking for Mr Ware or the home owner? It's nearly always the homeowner.

(16) Oh, are you vegetarian?

Yes I am. Bordering on Vegan. Which means I'm 200% less likely to get most cancers, much less likely to have heart attacks, strokes and all the other modern diseases. It also means that I cause much less polution than most people, and it takes less land to feed me, so I help stop errosion and global food shortages. Yay!

(17) How are you today?

I'm very well thank you very much. How are you?

(18) What time is it?

The time is currently 11:41 PM.

(19) What do you do to your hair to make it stay like that?

Nothing. I don't brush it or anything.

(20) Do you have any cunning aliases I should know about?:

Actually I've never been asked this question, so it shouldn't really be in my FAQ now should it? Oh well.

(21)Has anyone ever told you you look like Ben Lee?

Yeah, quite a few times. I don't see it myself.

(22) Can you spare some money? I need to buy some food [read: drugs]

No I can't. But usually when I get asked this question, which is quite a bit, I end up giving away my last two dollars and then I can't afford to buy lunch that day. Call me soft hearted. You'd be wrong though. I'm really just a wimp, and give them the money so they'll go away. Except once this kid, I mean really a kid like maybe about 10 or 12, asked me for 20 cents and I said I didn't have any and he tried to stop me walking away by standing in front of me and saying "You don't want any trouble do you?" and I said no and walked away any way. Even I have enough pride that I'm not going to be easily intimidated by a 10 year old. Although one of Spencer's friends got mugged by two 12 year old girls in Rundle Mall in a tuesday night. They kicked her in the back. Which is bad, cause she seems like a pretty nice person.